Why this is going all wrong

Yesterday, I went on a “morning recovery walk” here in Berlin.

Basically, a group of people meets up each week around 8 to go on a walk together before work.

A wonderful idea, I think.

And if you had seen me on this walk, you would have assumed I have it all figured out.

Here I am, socialising with a group of strangers at 8 am.
Participating in a breathwork session and aromatherapy.
Living the life.

What you wouldn’t have known is that I only slept 4 hours because I have no self-control.

See, I hosted an event the day before and even though I could have still made it to bed at 11:30 pm, I got too deep into replying to emails. Ffs!!

I felt like such an imposter being on this walk.

I’m (still) currently finishing the book “Essentialism”, where the whole idea is that you need to focus on less and do it better, and that sleep is a non-negotiable for your productivity, sanity and health.

And I really, really see and understand that. I already decided countless times that sleep and moving my body should be my two non-negotiables. The foundation.

And yet, I still prioritised writing emails that could have waited a few more days OVER getting a decent night’s sleep.

It feels like a new low, even if it’s nothing new, of course.

I’m not ashamed of the fact I was answering emails, but of the fact that I’m so obviously self-sabotaging.

I’ve also been reflecting a lot recently on how I’m spending my days.

You could say I’m productive. Client work, discovery and consultation calls, hosted 3 events this month, working out daily, calendar exploding with meetings.

But… it doesn’t feel quite right.

When I quit my job, the idea was to double down on creating content and growing both on LinkedIn and YouTube.

I found that that’s what I really enjoy. Teaching, working on my own terms, and collaborating with brands I love. Obviously I can’t help 200 people 1-on-1. So, creating content would be the next logical step.

So, this was the plan.

But what I planned as “secondary” focus - freelance personal branding & notion client work & community building (notion for marketers + launch/anyway community) - took over and now occupies about 90% of my time..

Content creation has felt very sporadic, last minute, shoved in-between meetings or by sacrificing a 2-3 hours of sleep, at times.

And while these “secondary projects” are very fun to me, too, this just wasn’t the plan.

I need to face the facts.
I’m not investing enough time into the primary thing that I quit my job for.

This thought scares me.
And I need to get back on track.

I’ve always been the indecisive type—stretching myself too thin, trying to run in 10 different directions at once.

But focus is what actually gets you to the finish line, 100x faster.

Just look at the past 1.5 years: I went all in on LinkedIn. One platform. Full commitment. And that alone opened so many doors.

Decide on a time, place, and timeframe – and just do it.

But lately, I block off time to film or write… then delete those blocks to squeeze in meetings, client work, or random tasks.

Going self-employed as a recovering people-pleaser isn’t for the weak :D

I’m consciously saying NO to Instagram, TikTok and Threads.

I just don’t have the bandwidth to be active on these channels, even if I see the potential. I’ll focus on 2 platforms because YouTube and LinkedIn complement each other really well and are great for building trust + opportunities, even with smaller numbers.

I’ll post only when I have something to announce or I’m cross posting.
No pressure to create something extra for it.

A few more things I’m committing to, to get my life back on track:

• Mornings Monday to Friday are for deep focus work. I’m sure I’ll need to sometimes make exceptions, but it should only happen max 1/week.

• “Eating the frog” first thing in the morning - AKA doing the most important most painful task I’d love to avoid doing.

• Reflecting on the past day and journaling in my physical journal in the mornings.

• Keeping promises to myself: If I said I’ll film a video 10-12 am on a Monday, that means I’m doing it and I’m busy. No meetings can be booked over this. It should be like a contract with myself. I don’t need to justify to clients why I’m busy as this is my job now, too.

So guys and gals, there’s work to do.
There is room to grow.
There are things to learn.

On a lighter note, here are some pics from the two Notion events I hosted:

I typically order something easy for my events, like vegan pizza + donuts, but this time I really wanted to try offering healthier options (maybe it has to do with my health & fitness phase lol).

I want people to leave feeling GREAT about themselves.
Not sluggish and crashing from all the sugar.

So, for my Notion for Marketers 4.0 event, I’ve spent about 1.5 hours chopping a TON of vegetables :D And made people try vegan salmon and vegan cheese (people loved it!!).

What I love about hosting events, is that if I want to make them vegan and low-waste, I can. So, even if it can be more work, I think this work is worth it.

Another fun part of the workshop I hosted was that before I started, I gave people 10 seconds to say “Hi” to a stranger.

Most friendships start with a simple ‘hello’ - we just need to have the guts to make the move. I’ll happily be that person nudging people to connect.

And as you can see in the picture above, it worked! People seemed much more at ease and comfortable asking questions and learning together <3

(the only thing I didn’t quite think through was how to stop people from chatting after the 10 seconds haha - so I started nervously beatboxing into the mic - don’t judge me… or do - I don’t care :D)

So, let’s end this longer issue on a very wholesome moment of connection.

Hosting my last two events, I felt more confident and at ease than I ever have.

And I think it’s because the more I do this, the more I notice at the end of the day we are all just people. Doesn’t matter if CEO or CMO, Millionaire or not - we all have our quirks. We’re all humanly imperfect and are doing our best.

Sometimes we forget that we can relax.
We don’t have all the answers, and that’s okay.

Maybe we need more reminders like these.

That it’s all not that deep.

Do the thing, say hi to someone whose energy you feel drawn to, and, most importantly, take some time to think:

Are you living the life you actually want to live?

At it’s core, it’s pretty simple, I think.

See you next time,
Maria